I (27/M) am not happy with the “open” part of my open relationship with girlfriend (25/F). Together 2 years, “open” 6ish mo.
How we met: We met about 2.5 years ago on OkCupid. She lived close, we met up and got on well. After a few months we decided to get together. We were not open at this point. The relationship was great emotionally. She was sweet, attentive, caring and supportive. We also had a lot in common and had fun together, which is what I lacked in previous relationships so I was keen to keep this one and still am.
Becoming open: Around 6-7 months ago give or take, I found myself feeling disconnected from her and the relationship. I was looking at other women quite a bit, and couldn’t seem to stop even though I DID feel guilty. I ended up singing up to a sex-themed website (fetlife.com). This is NOT a dating website, I wasn’t planning to cheat when I signed up, it’s more a social network and I was mainly interested in looking at pictures posted there.
When I was on this website it was like I found what I thought I was missing. Loads of hot girls, who seemed happy to interact with me, mainly. I started commenting on pictures and girls started talking, flirting with me. I knew things were getting inappropriate for the relationship but I couldn’t stop. I really wanted to hook up and date again, and experience these other women.
Not meaning offense to my girlfriend, but she’s a big girl (had been since I dated her though so I didn’t feel it was my place to say anything) and while I enjoyed her body, I can’t deny that the draw of all the hotter women on the website who were seemingly interested in me was too much and I was feeling more and more disconnected from my relationship with this gaping hole in my needs not being met. I still loved my girlfriend and she fulfilled me emotionally, but physically my desires were completely elsewhere. Eventually I realised that the best thing for me to do would be to open up the relationship or break up with my girlfriend.
I spoke to her about this and, well, it broke her heart at the time. She was sobbing on me the whole night of me talking to her about it, saying she wanted to be monogamous and she didn’t like the thought of an open relationship at all. She asked for a couple of weeks to think about it, which happened, but when we spoke about it again she told me she still didn’t want to do it. I had to tell her at this point it was this or break up as I didn’t feel fulfilled. At this, she said okay, she would try the open relationship.
So, in short, she agreed to the open relationship even though she hated the idea as she didn’t want to break up. She wanted to know how an open relationship worked so I set down a few ground rules and boundaries which we both agreed to. Mainly things like.. sleep with whoever you want whenever you want, but always with protection. Casual dating is allowed as long as the person you’re dating knows the situation (since it’s hard to sleep with someone without a date first). Our relationship shouldn’t suffer and we still need to be there for each other. etc.
My Problem. Less than two months later from this, she’s signed up on FetLife too and now 100% enjoying herself. There are men crawling all over her, her profile, her pictures she’s put up. I know for a fact that she’s been on a heck of a lot of dates, both with people from the website and off it, and I also know she’s been intimate with many of them too (I keep seeing comments on her pictures saying vulgar things like ‘God I miss my mouth around those beautiful breasts’ etc from other men who I know she has been on dates with..)
Me, on the other hand? I’ve not hooked up with anyone, and only had one date. All the women who seemed to be interested in me turned out to only want to flirt online and only wanted attention, and when I brought up meeting up with any of them I got rejected. The only women who wanted to at all meet me or go out with me I wasn’t attracted to. I went out with one local girl from Fetlife just to give it a chance, because my own girlfriend had found so many dates/hookups, but I just couldn’t bring myself to be attracted and nothing happened. I haven’t been able to find anyone else who wants to sleep with me off the website either. Me and my girlfriend still date and sleep together of course, but besides that I’m completely dry. I don’t think this is at all fair on me considering how many dates she’s been on and I imagine how many guys she’s fucked.
It got worse recently. Just this past Friday night I go out to the late night shop, and on the main road I find my girlfriend standing outside a pub with a guy, holding hands and making out. He was at least 6’4, muscles everywhere you look, arms covered in tattoos (which I know my girlfriend likes). I feel like shit. My girlfriend sees me, immediately breaks away from him and comes over smiling all over her face. She hugs me, kisses me, then the guy comes and introduces himself. It was awkward as fuck honestly, but my girlfriend didn’t seem to notice at all. After stupid chitchat I tell them I need to get going, at which my girlfriend tells me she loves me, kisses me and that she will text me the next day as she wanted a date with me the next night. She then says she’s going to go into the pub to visit the bathroom, and asked her “date” to wait outside for her and then after they’ll “get going” (back to her place I assume..).
So I start to walk away as she goes into the pub to the bathroom, and I hear the guy say “Hey” behind me. I swear he had the biggest shit eating grin all over his fucking face. He said to me “Mate, you’re a better guy than I am. If I had a lady like that I wouldn’t let anyone else touch her. Lucky for me you guys have this open thing going on”. He said it like he was pretending to be friendly, but obviously it was a dig because he could tell I wasn’t happy right then. I just nodded and walked off.
My girlfriend rang me Saturday afternoon and I told her what happened and what the guy said, but she swears that he was just being complimentary/polite to me and that he’s from FetLife, and knows all about our relationship and my own profile on there which is why he was chatting to me. I told her that I still thought his comment was inappropriate and that I didn’t want her dating this guy again, to which she said ‘Okay’ but she obviously wasn’t happy about it. I didn’t ask if they had hooked up, because I could already tell they had with how she was all over him. I told her I didn’t feel like I wanted to hangout that night. She hasn’t contacted me since then.
I feel like utter shit. I’m going to be honest and say I have no idea why a guy like that is interested in my girlfriend and not out with a hot girl. I had no idea my girlfriend would get this much attention and it makes me feel like shit. I now realise if it’s not this guy, it’s going to be another with his hands all over my girlfriend. She has guys all over her, most likely just using her, but most of them more attractive than me and god knows what else………… and I only manage to get one date with someone I wasn’t even attracted to. I still feel unfulfilled.
I’m on her FetLife profile now while writing this and I have to look at this shit every day, and her relishing in it without ANY thought to my lack of dates. Not once has she asked me about my dates or who I’ve met off FetLife, and it’s obvious my profile is barren of any interaction compared to hers.
I can’t really fault the relationship I have with my girlfriend if I’m honest. She’s still her sweet, supportive self and she does make time for me, but I feel this open relationship has gotten really unfair now.
So that’s it. I don’t want to break up with her but I want it to stop, and to close the relationship again. But because it was my idea to open it, and we went through that difficulty before she started enjoying it, I don’t know how to bring it up or what I say when I do. I just know it’s got to stop now and this can’t be healthy for either of us.
tl;dr: Asked my girlfriend for an open relationship so we could both date and sleep with other people. My girlfriend has been on way too many dates and I’m sure she’s hooked up with a good few too. I haven’t. Feel the open relationship has gotten way too unfair towards me and I want to close it, but because it was my idea I don’t know how to bring it up to her. Need advice on how to do this and close the relationship again.
I cannot stop laughing at this shitstain. I hope his girlfriend leaves him forever.
omg, you should have seen my face reading this.
Only the fact that I’m at work, in a shared office, is keeping me from actually laughing like that out loud right this second.
Whiny boys who demand “open” relationships and then get butthurt when their girlfriends take advantage of that arrangement to enjoy themselves will never not be hilarious. Shoulda thought this through first, genius.
THATS WHAT YOU GET YOU PIECE OF SHIT
There is justice in this world, sometimes.
“I’m going to be honest and say I have no idea why a guy like that is interested in my girlfriend and not out with a hot girl.”
One of these days men will realize the shit women can sense off them after very little interaction and why we tend to steer completely clear of shitstains like this.
This is my favorite story cause he thought he was gonna get laid a ton while his poor “big girl” girlfriend was gonna be left in the dust by him (cause he thought he was a player) but it turns out she was the one getting all the dates and no one liked him so now hes mad. ”its not fair” yeah, cause you thought the situation was gonna be reversed and now youre pissed its not
i feel like i will never be a good lawyer….
why do i do this to myself :(
Please cheer up, for what I can appreciate by your posts, you put a lot of effort and time and suffering to your career and I think you’re great for following your dreams, so don’t give up and don’t think lowly of yourself, okay? You’re doing great, remember that everyone has one of “those days” when nothing comes right and you’re full of doubts but you shouldn’t think like that, I’m sure that someone’s got your back! :) Feel free to chat me up if you need to talk to someone! Take care n_n
Trying to pay $50 for a $300+ costume commission is like trying to get French champagne on a Sprite budget.– MaryAnne Vivandiere, seamstress and owner of Vivandiere Designs, on cosplayers asking for ‘reasonable prices’ for custom made costumes, without taking into account the hours spent patterning & fabricating said costume, as well as the cost of materials. (via oliviasatelier)
(Source: msjayjustice)Via Olivia's Atelier and Cosplay
why are men who have nothing to offer so gross and demanding lmao
I may have taught this spider to knit.
I was finishing the last 20 rows at the park, when this little spider wandered over to me, It climbed up my knitting bag, and walked all up and down the piece, then climbed onto my hand and watched me for a couple rows.
After the second row it started waving it’s front four legs as if to get my attention. Once I was looking at it, it started pulling silk from its spinneret, and fiddling with it. I don’t know if it was knitting or purling as it was quite small scale, but every few seconds it would stop and look up at me to see if I was still watching. After a little bit I moved it to one of the vines overhanging the archway I was sitting in, and it went about its business.
This wasn’t the only unusual thing that happened at the park today, but it was the most unusual.
Maybe it thought you were a spider
I’m gonna level with you that’s the fucking cutest shit I have ever fucking heard of okay I want a little spider that knits not sits menacingly above my bed at night threatening to fall into my mouth.
HOW TO: Applying False Eyelashes
Learning to apply lashes can be a difficult task for beginners, so today I’m going to tell you a few tips on how to apply them quickly and easily.
- Don’t get discouraged. It can take many attempts before you’ll be able to put them on successfully. Visit your local beauty store and get a few pairs of the cheap kinds- since these will be just for practice.
- Make sure you use a good lash glue. Clear or colored lash glues generally work the best.
- Cut your lashes to the right size for your eyes! I cannot stress this enough. Your lashes should never go past the end of your eyelids.
- Put mascara on. You want to do this before you apply false lashes so they blend better.
- Apply some of the lash glue onto a q-tip, then run your lash over the glue. Sometimes, trying to put glue directly onto the lash can be a bit messy. Wait 10-20 seconds for the glue to get tacky.
- Use either your fingers or tweezers to place them as close to your lash line as possible. It’s okay if it’s not exact.
- Get a damp q-tip and use it to push your lash into place. Slightly damp q-tips will allow you to get it exactly where you want it without them sticking to you.
- Use tweezers to pinch them onto your natural lash line. Be very careful that you don’t accidentally pinch your own lid or rip out an eyelash. I recommend slanted tweezers for this.
- Let them dry and adjust to how they feel. False lashes can feel weird the first time you wear them, so make sure you give yourself time to get used to it.
- Practice. You probably wont get it right the first time, but that’s okay. Just be patient and you’ll get the hang of it.
Once you’ve learned how to apply them, I recommend using good quality lashes such as the ones by Ardelle or Andrea. For glue, Duo is always a good brand- though any clear glue will do just fine.